Disordered Habits

Playlist and Article by: Dear Healthcare,

Eating disorders are an invisible killer that slowly destroy people’s well-being. From small comments on appearance to calorie counts on menus, the fragile state of the topic drives many away from seeking help. Ignorance of unaffected individuals can further worsen the problem as our society enforces unrealistic ideals on human anatomy. Music serves a dual role: education for those unaware, and comfort for those suffering. 

“That you cry, but you don’t tell anyone / That you might not be the golden one”

-”Tied Together with a Smile”, Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift wrote this song for a high school friend who was known as a beauty queen and extremely popular. With popularity, comes pressure. Although she kept up a façade of happiness (“tied together with a smile”), the comments she received from every envious boy and girl would fuel her urge to eat less. Part of the individual’s worries is the idea that they aren’t “the golden one”-- that is, they are afraid to mention that they wouldn’t have a certain appearance naturally if they hadn’t deprived themselves, driving them away from seeking help because they feel they need to continue receiving compliments.

“If you look past my features, just a little deeper / I’m living a big fat lie”

-”Big Fat Lie”, Nicole Scherzinger

Scherzinger sings about how despite the many positive comments she receives on her features, that, in the end, they are not her own but rather a product of her restrictive food intake. Although she strives for validation in her physical appearance, she acknowledges that it is not a real solution because she has only made herself feel worse.

“I love you to the bones / And Ana wrecks your life / Like an anorexia life”

-”Ana’s Song (Open Fire)”, Silverchair

In this song, the lead singer perfectly encapsulates the battle of overcoming anorexia by comparing it to a toxic partner who should be left for good. He admits that although he sought solace and comfort in seeing his body destroyed, “Ana” was a passive voice in his head that was never truly a part of him. Typically, within pop culture, men are not as commonly depicted to be shown with eating disorders as opposed to women; his song proves that anyone can suffer from anorexia with no regard to racial and ethnic background, sex, upbringing, etc.

“...you’re killing the only piece of you I can touch / It’s not your body that I need, but that’s what sleeps next to me / And you’re killing it… / Please eat”

-”Please Eat”, Nicole Dollanger

This heart-wrenching song tells the tale of a non-disordered person watching in guilt and sympathy as they try to help the anorexic mentioned throughout the song. In an attempt at comforting them, she sings that their body is not what matters to them, rather their body is what keeps them present with her. Several times, “please eat” is sung to convince them to put an end to their self-destructive habits that ultimately resulted in a loss of their personality and health. 

“I’m hungry with no appetite / And I’m shivering and shaking / And I tell myself it’s fine but / You can’t fool your body / You can only fool your mind, yeah”

-”Empty (Feat. Jaiden)”, boyinaband

This song regards an individual suffering an eating disorder, relating closest to anorexia or EDNOS. The artists emphasize emptiness not just to pinpoint the lack of food intake, but to symbolically highlight the emptiness eating disorders can cause in one’s life. No matter how much one can make attempts at tricking their mind into feeling okay, their body will continue screaming for help.

“My worth is measured solely / According to the scale / I am heavy, I feel frail”

-”Eyesore”, Maria Mena

Marina wrote the song “Eyesore” as well as “Cause and Effect” to reflect on her past with an eating disorder. She sings all of her regrets regarding how she treated her body and self whilst she was suffering. The lyrics of this song focus on behavioral and mindset-like issues that sufferers of anorexia may relate to. It also discusses the role of society in gauging people’s beauty on the outside.

“No one knows the sickness grows / Following deadly trends”

-”Ana & Mia”, The Trews

This rock song discusses the lack of visibility and understanding of anorexia. It also criticizes social trends that society normalizes and enforces upon vulnerable teenagers and young adults who aspire to appear beautiful (“How Ana and Mia stay beautiful all day”). The song concludes by warning a mother to watch her girl, because she may be slowly fading away.

“오늘도 거울속 내가 변하기를 빌었어 / 누가 봐도 못난 내 모습이 너무 싫어서 / 근데 오히려 어제보다도 / 더 더 살이 찐 거 같아 (정말 미칠거 같아)”

ENG: “I prayed that I would look different in the mirror again today / Because I hated that anyone could see how I am ugly / But actually, I think / I gained more weight than yesterday (I think I’ll really go crazy)”

-”In Front of the Mirror”, GLAM

The K-pop industry is known for abusing many of its members into looking a certain way in order to conform to Korean beauty standards. This particular song faced some criticism for highlighting these inherently flawed beauty standards of South Korea. However, it also paves a pathway for advocates to demand reform and shows that anorexia is a universal issue.

“Hunger hurts and I want him so bad, oh, it kills / …Hunger hurts, but starving works / When it costs too much to love”

-”Paper Bag”, Fiona Apple

Fiona Apple was often criticized for looking underfed and thin. While she has spoken out against this stigma at many music events and shows, she also wrote this song to express her fear of rejection and not being good enough (by her standards) to be loved. Starvation, in her words, was her only solution to mend the pain. 

“I got a date on Friday / Not gonna eat anything ‘til then / I’m gonna look so skinny / She’ll wanna feel my bones against her skin”

-”I Go Hungry”, Mother Mother

As another rare male voice in the discussion about disordered eating, Ryan Guldemond writes this song in the perspective of a man hoping to impress his date. Victims of eating disorders often connect it to positive things while deliberately ignoring the reality of their disorder, the narrator tells himself that his underweight body will enhance his attractiveness to validate his condition and serve as motivation.

“You turn oranges into orange juice /  Enter there, then spit it out of you / Your body is imperfectly perfect / Everyone wants what the other one’s working”

-”Orange Juice”, Melanie Martinez

In this fictional world, the narrator is observing a bulimic person who believes their body needs to be “fixed”. Over the course of the song, the narrator reiterates that there is nothing wrong with an imperfect body because in the end, no one is perfect anyway. She also says that everyone wants to be like everyone else and try out different things to be like them, even if it inevitably harms them. 

“My vision’s getting blurred but I can see my ribs and I feel fine”

-”4st 7lb”, Manic Street Preachers

This song is an emotional, harrowing tale of a girl suffering from anorexia nervosa and how it had consumed her life. The girl believes by gradually degrading herself into a skeletal, unhealthy state, that she is improving herself. By seeing her own bones, she suddenly feels fine despite her body protesting against it. 

“The price tag can’t be seen / And it took bites out of her insides / ‘Til she was just a hollow shell”

-”Cars & Calories”, Saves the Day

The price of trying to achieve a certain look to adhere to society is something many people do not understand the true extent of. The girl in this story is slowly getting destroyed both literally and emotionally by her disorder, which is taking over her life. 

“They say, ‘Beauty makes boys happy’ / I’ve been starving myself / Carving skin until my bones are showing”

-”Prom Queen”, Beach Bunny

In this song, the singer mentions that in order to be liked by anyone or stand a chance in having a partner, you have to look beautiful in a very specific way. While beauty is subjective, she says that, by starving, she will appeal to others’ tastes, even if physically harmful.

“Tear you apart, and I hate how I need you, oh, oh”

-”Skin & Bones”, Marianas Trench

This individual fights in frustration against their disorder, which they claim they need in their life despite knowing it should be rid of. Although it makes them all skin and bones, they claim that the disorder is calling to them and luring them deeper into a toxic mindset. Despite hating the disorder, it feels as though they are trapped in it.

It is easy to feel troubled or disturbed especially when listening to such topics. Therefore, we would like to remind those who may be suffering that you are not alone and that help is readily available both online and hopefully locally near you. One treatment that is available to everyone virtually is Equip Health, which you can look into here: https://equip.health/virtual-eating-disorder-treatment

However, as we are not licensed professionals, we advise you to speak to your counselor or doctor about potential treatment plans. It is never too late to seek help.

Listen here! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5lhoNPRxGhNEiDySsBuQRR?si=z8UjyUzFSVShatJNnocyOg&pi=u-NG4s5Gm0Rjuz